How to Play “Are You There Moriarty?”

Originally appearing in 1906 as a game for boy scouts, “Are You There Moriarty?” is a classy parlor game about beating your friends over the head, neck, and shoulders with a newspaper.

Number of players: Two. More players can help make a tournament.
Equipment: Two newspapers, magazines, or any other object that can make for a reasonably soft baton. Two blindfolds. Two chairs are often used, but may be bypassed.

Rules of play:
1.) Sit two players in chairs facing each other. Alternatively, players can forgo the chairs and instead lie down on their stomachs facing each other.
2.) Blindfold each player. Theoretically, players could instead close their eyes, but that’s not recommended. When a newspaper gets shoved in your face, you’ll be glad to have the extra layer of protection.
3.) Players hold a rolled up newspaper in one hand, and grab the hand of their opponent with their other hand.
4.) One of the players asks “Are you there Moriarty?”
5.) When the other player says “Yes!”, both players commence swinging newspapers. If they are seated, they may not leave their seats. If they are lying down, they may roll around, but not get up. Either way, both players hands must remain locked at all times.
6.) The first player to get a clean shot at the opponent’s head is declared the winner.
7.) The winner remains seated and another contestant takes the loser’s place. The goal is to remain the winner for as long as possible.

Note #1: It’s interesting to watch how different players approach this game. Some swing wildly, trying to score their points through sheer belligerence. Others are patient, and read their opponent’s moves through minor muscular ticks of the hand and interpreting the occasional rogue sound. Without a true tournament of practiced players, we may never know which method is most effective.

Note #2: Some players (and audiences) prefer to enjoy a game of frantic swinging. Others, prefer the tension of something more akin to a duel, where players take turns going back and forth getting in one good swing. Choose whichever works best with your playgroup, or switch things up for a change of pace.